Touchy subject isn't it? Nobody likes a debate more than me but even I have been avoiding the R word for way too long. It is the first subject on my Blog Post list for 2010 and I figure the worse you can do if you don't like what I am saying .........is regift me with your most tacky gift? The post-holiday timing couldn't be better, everyone has something left that makes you ask yourself............what do I do with this? Not everyone does it, certainly very few admit to it, but everyone knows the R word. Let's just talk about it once and for all.
Regift Style 1
There are two types of regifting, the first type being the one we are all most familiar with, you simply do not like the gift. You don't like the style, the colour, the subliminal message you see lurking behind it, it's obvious regift vibe, whatever, but you know somehow you need to get rid of it. This is where regifting gets it's bad rap........at this point you are actually considering it as a gift choice for someone else! A gift you actually don't like, don't want, don't want to see ever again. There is some kind of karma attached to passing along a unwanted gift, I swear people can tell when it is given in that kind of spirit. Then again, it might be the slightly guilty look on your face.
Regift Style 2
There is a second type of regifting, something that can be so tempting to do. Quite simply, you are looking to borrow someone else's exquisite taste. It's last-minute, you need an impressive gift to impress somebody and there it is right there in your grateful hands and It's absolutely gorgeous, that person always gives you the most tasteful gifts and you want to leave it gift wrapped too. Too easy isn't it? Your ego is getting in the way here, so much so that you are willing to deprive yourself. Let's be real here, regifting is basically a selfish act, one where you grab someone else's time and money and pass it off as your own effort. I can't make it pretty for you.
So why do it? We do it because it is going to save us time or money, we secretly dislike the person, it's an obligatory gift, we are overwhelmed, we are out of gift-buying time, we need a reciprocal gift quick, we can't stand waste, the credit card is maxed out, maybe we are bad people? Let's face it , there are a million reasons it makes sense at the time, and only two to stop ourselves before all is said and done.
How are they going to feel if they find out you regifted their gift?
How are you going to feel if they find out you gave them a regifted gift?
So the question should always be when regifting........how bad will I feel if this person finds out and does it matter to me? Think about it, if the answer is that it doesn't matter then maybe you shouldn't be exchanging gifts with this person in the first place. I am not saying regifting is the worse thing you can do or that it makes you a bad person. I am saying there is a probable and possible cost related to it and that isn't going to change no matter how we try to justify it. The probable and possible is this........you forget you have regifted (which gives you a blank look when the recipient brings up your gift) or you can't forget about your shameful secret (which gives you that guilty look every time that person even says the word gift). Both are dead giveaways.
The Regift Rules
Do not regift an item you hate. If you consider it ugly as sin or just plain junk, treat it as such and throw itout. Junk is junk and no amount of new gift wrapping is going to hide that fact.
Do not regift because you hate waste and then attempt to tell yourself you are being noble and working toward a greater good for the eco-world at large. If you can't use it, give it away to a worthwhile charity. That is way more noble than regifting.
Do not regift in it's original wrapped version. At least rewrap it for heavens sake. I was once at a party where the hostess was given a bottle of wine and an old gift tag was inside the bottle bag. None of us have looked at this couple the same way again to say nothing about how it made the hard-working hostess feel that lovely evening. Obviously offended, she told us about it.
Do not regift or dispose of anything that has sentimental value to the person who gave it to you. If your great-aunt gives you her treasured vintage tablecloth and she can't see the stains, take it gratefully and then store it somewhere. You will get good karma points for being gracious and your mother will be exceptionally proud of you. Effusive thanks are part of the deal. Someday you might be doing the same.
Do not regift anything original. The lopsided pottery mug your friend made? The handknit scarf in all the wrong colours? If there is one thing we should all know, when someone expresses their creativity, the offense of regifting goes way up on the sensitivity scale. When it is handmade, it not just a gift, it is now a piece of their artistic soul and you should know how artists can be when it comes to that. Doesn't matter if you don't like it, doesn't matter if she made 200 of them for her closest friends, hold on to it and do not regift........ ever.
Do not think you can save it for your next garage sale. Garage sales are visited by bargain hunters and then your friends and family who stop in for moral support. Do you see what can happen here? And yes they will remember that they gave you that planter two years ago.
Do keep track of who gave you what gift. This prevents you from the obvious, bringing your secretary's gift to the office regift party. If you are going to regift, do so responsibly and kindly. This is the ultimate regift rule.
Do regift in an upfront manner. If you were given a pricey bottle of perfume that makes you sneeze then bring it along to the office or your next bookclub and ask who would enjoy a lovely gift that day. Than hand it over graciously. This is more sharing than regifting but you know what I mean.
Do keep a tasteful supply of gifts on hand for last minute repicorcal gift-giving. I order and wrap in advance an extra supply of my signature gift for every season. I always make sure my signature gift is in a style that can be given any time of year. This eliminates the need or desire to hunt through regift possibilities and potentially lose your normal good sense.
Do have a regift date at home or work. Set a date with like-minded people then bring it all in and let everyone take a pick. This does not include the junk, remember that has already gone in the garbage.
Do organize a regift day for your church or organization, attach a nominal price just like you would with a garage sale and then donate the funds.
Do regift anonymously. Wrap up the regift items and start dropping them off at doorsteps as a little treat. Only for the good stuff, nice body lotion, bath salts, gourmet tea, something that truly would make anyone's day a little bit nicer. Attach a little handwritten card saying " A special regift just for you. Enjoy or pass it along". No name needed and done in the right spirit it really is good gift karma.
Do eliminate the need to regift. Be a big girl and just tell them their gift needs to be returned or exchanged. No one expects their gift choices to be perfect every time and most would appreciate the opportunity to make the gift more perfect. Better to request than regift.
Do edit your gift giving list. If you are annually exchanging gifts with people who never get it right and never will, then maybe there is a better way. Sometimes the gifting has just gotten out of hand and you are expected to give to co-workers or relatives you really don't know very well. Be the clever one and suggest a better way for the whole group. Have everyone bring books (wine, cologne, or gift cards) and then let everyone exchange to their heart's content.
Do acknowledge some people in your life are never going to have good gift giving taste. Their gift choice is always going to disappoint you and there is nothing you can do about it (you need a few of these to appreciate the really good ones). Do not let this challenge make you revert to petty behavior and compromise your own tasteful gift giving. Be the one that still puts thought and beauty into your reciprocal gift. Not everyone has good taste, but they may have the best sense of humour and that is why you are friends. And they probably love your great taste and style.
Do know that you may get busted so be ready with your explanation. Let me know how that goes for you.
Now, if someone just happened to regift me with this Hermes bag I found over at the beauty blog Beautiful Things to Share .............ignore my above post. My loss of street cred would totally be worth it.
Photo 1, 2, and 4 via Flickr/3rd photo from Carolyne Roehm/5th photo from the blog Beautiful Things to Share
My friend was here the other day wrapping gifts. We usually talk about many things, but what we mostly talked about that day was her friend who has been diagnosed with cancer. My friend is torn between doing too little and not doing enough, what she really wants to do is make her friend's cancer go away right now and she can't do that. So what she does is everything she can think of to help her friend, pray, listen, cry, visit, organize friends, make food, and one other incredibly thoughtful thing I think you might want to do as well if you have a friend in need. She drops off a small little gift at her doorstep each and every day. She doesn't knock on the door, she doesn't drop in unexpectedly, she simply leaves it there to let her friend know she is thinking of her each and every day as her good friend faces this unfair journey.
In order to bring gifts to a person who has cancer or to someone who is grieving, you have to get past the thought that it seems somewhat frivolous to gift someone who has bigger things on their mind. Big as in fighting for their Life. Big as in a loved one has died. Gifts are normally given in times of celebration, so the first association is one of pleasure and joy. But gifts can be more than that, done in the proper spirit they can be incredibly healing. Bringing beauty when it seems like it has gone far away.
This has been on my mind for awhile, how to talk to you about when a gift is given in a time of sadness, not celebration. It isn't that we don't know we should do something, but many of us are somewhat skittish when it comes to sickness or death. Even when we have been on the other side and know how it feels, we tell ourselves we'll do something, we just don't know what yet. Sometimes we do nothing and let the time pass. Some will send flowers, some will donate to charity, but sometimes you need to do more and it needs to be more personal. I can only tell you what I know, what I see, and what I hear after sending customer gifts at these challenging times. This is not a time to be skittish. This is not about you feeling awkward. It is a time when it is all about them. Period.
Bringing Small Comforts is the first in a series that I will be posting about over the next month or two. Feel free to give me input, share the unique ways you have found to give support and I will be happy to share them with readers. We all need help with this. We all need to do something. Anything to make them feel better. Some ideas will cost money, some will cost time, but I hope to share as many ideas as I can because I think it is an important subject if I blog about gifting.
